The Spiritual 12 Steps for Healing           from the Pain of Divorce



Divorce is one of the most painful experiences that a family can experience.  It’s not only the death of a marriage, but also the death of dreams and hopes, ideals and desires, and can be more painful than physical death, which at least has finality to it.  The healing process may not be easy but it is what God wants for you.  God wants to give you His courage and light so that you can forgive, be made strong and become a healthier, whole person again.

I have developed the following twelve steps for healing from divorce so that you may begin to find healing and wholeness again as you mourn the loss of that relationship and all that it means and meant to you. I think that is it better to journey through the following 12 steps for healing with someone like a therapist or a spiritual director, and not alone. In and through your prayer, God will provide the instruments needed, so place your trust in Him. If you have any questions about the steps or if I can be of assistance in any way, please feel free to email me at


1.       Acknowledge the loss. Face the reality of the situation, do not deny it any longer and be honest with how you feel.

2.       Accept the pain as being normal. Pain is nature’s way of telling us that something is broken, needs to be fixed and healed.   Pain  is not a punishment but an opportunity to invite God in and be healed. Whether a broken arm or a broken heart, the pain needs to motivate us to get the help we need to heal.

3.       Realize that this too, will pass. Your heart has great capacity to love again even after great pain and hurt. Through the recovery process, the pain will pass and you will you can come out much healthier.

4.       Don’t waste your pain, invest it. The greatest way we can invest our pain is to use it to motivate us to grow and become better persons, and then support others who are going through divorce and help them to become healthier, whole and happier persons,

5.       Give yourself time to heal. Broken hearts take time to heal, but it doesn’t take forever. As you work through the recovery steps you will experience healing. Be patient with yourself. BE PATIENT, BE PATIENT. Your divorce didn't happen overnight and neither will  your healing.  You will know that you are being healed as you begin to feel joy and experience a greater and deeper and lasting peace.. 

6.     Do your grieving now. With all loss there are emotions such as anger, hurt, guilt and deep grief. All of which need to be expressed constructively and creatively. A vital part of the grieving process is to weep and even sob out of our grief. As Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” He promises that you will be comforted, believe and trust in Him.

7.     Forgive to be free. Failing to forgive keeps you bound up and unable to receive the blessings and graces God wants to give you. 

8.     Let go of the past. You need to work through your pain, then let go of it. It helps to hand failures over to God, ask for forgiveness for your part of the marriage breakup, receive it by faith and then forgive yourself.  Then leave it with God and get on with your life.

9.     Guard against rebound. Don’t rush into another romantic relationship if you haven’t dealt with the pain of your divorce.

10.    Call on God for help. None of us can make it on our own and God is waiting for you to ask for His help. You aren’t meant to walk the journey alone, but with another.  You need to be connected to safe, supportive, non-judgmental and accepting people.  You will find healing in wholesome and healthy relationships.

11.     Realize that failure is never final and that the only failure is not to get up one more time than we fall down. Don’t give divorce the power to defeat you. Be strong and st and up against it negativity so that you can grow, and see the stronger side of yourself.

12.     Call on God for help. Remember that no matter what you have done or have failed to do, God loves you and wants to make you whole.  As His word says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.”




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© Cookie A Magee